The World Naked Database

I’m in that period of my year where next year’s holidays begin to loom large, and thoughts of 2018’s holidays are uppermost in my mind.

Something to look forward to in the cold, dark nights of a European (or North American) winter.

Of course, it’s not all a bed of roses, as international terrorism has led to a situation where flying is something to be endured rather than enjoyed. Personally, I find it a bloody awful experience.

We’ll probably endure another round of media scare stories about being ‘seen in the nude’ by airport X-ray machines.

Not only can the authorities see your penis…

..they can process the x-rays to a positive and effectively see you fully nude. Breasts, vulva….the lot!

Or can they? Or should we even care?

Here I am, in SL, on an aircraft, in negative form, the photo from a post from last year’s ‘Postcards from Spain’ series. Maybe a little similar to those airport security hold in real life form? (Or maybe not…it’s hard to know how much detail x-ray machines at airports actually record).

As a naturist, I don’t really care. Thousands have seen my real life naked form. Thousands(?) have probably seen some of the real life photos of me that have emerged online (although my real, full name, or any name at all is never tagged on them…so far at least). A security man at an airport here and there makes little difference to me. I just don’t care.

But some people, the bodyphobics in real life, do. ‘An infringement on privacy’.

Look…I’m going to be going in a tin tube six miles high. If the price of my security, up there, is someone seeing my ‘private parts’ on an x-ray to ensure it…work away!

Anyway, I have the answer.

Sometimes, naturists fear being known as naturists because they reason photos, or even the knowledge they’re naturists, will damage or end their career. It’s why many naturists are ‘in the closet’.

So…let’s work around that fear.

Ladies and gentlemen, the World Naked Photobase.

Every three years, you go and get your naked photo taken, front and back view, which identifies scars, tattoos and so on. These are uploaded to a database which anyone in the world can access. The President of the United States will be on there. Hollywood ‘A’ listers will be on there. You and I will be on there. Everyone will be on it within three years, and for infinity beyond that.

Airport security can match and overlay your previous ‘nude database’ photo with your current outline. And that rules out people travelling under stolen passports. I mean…your breasts haven’t shrunk in the last three years. Your penis hasn’t grown another two inches.

So there’s going to be a programme that can match a current nude negative to a current nude negative, a bit like face identification on some internet services like Facebook.

You’re going for a job. Does that employer want someone covered with tattoos representing the company? (Yes, there remains discrimination against tattoos) It works both ways. Logging into and viewing the World Nude Database is logged, thereby providing prospective employees with a record that their prospective employer viewed the nude photos, and maybe made a decision on hiring based on that. Something for the declined prospective employee to bring up with an industrial tribunal.

I start a new job. My new co-workers can view me naked online. And I can view them online.

Sure, I suspect that many, many people would log in to check out their colleagues. And then what? The mystery, the mystique, is over. That leggy blonde new to Accounts? Looks lovely naked, sure, but where’s your sexual innuendo in the workplace going thereafter? Nowhere. That’s right. A whole raft of suggestive, off-colour remarks are rendered redundant. You now HAVE seen him/her naked.

Don’t get me wrong…such a database would be THE biggest thing on the internet forever, for a while. And would then fade as ‘a thing’. Do you really care to see that leggy blonde naked? Well, you might get around to it but in the meantime, what were last night’s soccer/basketball results.

Believe me, like naturism means you don’t look anymore, a World Naked Database means you wouldn’t look anymore.

She’s just joined the Accounts department. Wanna see her naked?

Now you have. Now what? Gonna ‘out’ her as naturist? Sorry, what’s the point?

She’s just joined HR. Wanna see her naked?

Now you have. Now what?

She’s going through airport security and a red flag has come up against her. Let’s check her against our World Naked Database photo. Nope, she’s the same woman. She is who she says she is. Next!

She’s going through security and a red flag has come up against her name. Let’s check her out…nope, her body shape doesn’t match the database. Bring her in for questioning!

Believe me, half in jest or not, a World Naked Database would effectively kill off all manner of nasty whistleblowing ‘outing’ by office busybodies in an instant (you’ve seen my saggy boobs, I’ve seen your flaccid penis), as well as improving airport security.


6 thoughts on “The World Naked Database

  1. Speaking of office busybodies and naked quid pro quo… In my twenties I’d decided to overcome my body issue and venture onto the local nudist beach, whereupon I bumped into my boss and had the most strained conversation I’m sure both of us had ever had. I’m not sure if she was self conscious about me, her employee, getting an eye-full of her enormous and very pendulous breasts, but I was certainly self conscious of my most definitely small penis being in full view of my boss. Certainly until the day she retired we never spoke of that meeting. I’m not sure if she ever mentioned anything to anyone else, but I certainly never told anyone that her breasts sagged past her belly button, 1) because I’m a nice guy and, 2) because I wouldn’t have wanted her telling anyone that I have a micropenis (yes, an actual one, as diagnosed by a medical professional.) I think back then I would have been mortified if the office had known what I sported. Now, in my thirties, I don’t care so much. Anyway, here’s to the database!

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